


sometimes i think of the you that was.

by thejackestofasses



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Other, referenced character death, spoilers for lesson 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22447978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejackestofasses/pseuds/thejackestofasses
Summary: How was he supposed to explain that he was mourning someone who was right in front of him?
Relationships: Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 243





	sometimes i think of the you that was.

Everything was supposed to be fine now, right? Not just fine,  _ good_.

Belphie was back. Him and the rest of his brothers had found out the truth about Lilith, about how she had gotten to live a happy life as a human. All of his brothers were getting along better than ever, even if they  _did_ still enjoy collectively picking on him. And Yuki... Yuki was in one piece, technically.

But sometimes...

Sometimes he couldn’t help himself, and his mind would start to drift, and... and his brothers would be around him, laughing, having a good time, but he’d fall quiet. Then Yuki would look at him, smiling but with a hint of concern in their eyes, and it would feel like his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.

Sometimes he couldn’t help himself, and he thought of the other Yuki. The Yuki who had faded away in his arms.

The Yuki he’d failed to protect. 

“ _ Unbelievable. You’re just one failure after another, Mammon. _ ” Weird how words that had never really bothered him that much before were suddenly starting to come back to haunt him.

When he was really losing himself in his own head, his brothers would begin to take notice, and they’d start asking him what his problem was. It would be a taunt at first, something like, “ _ What’s with you, Mammon? Coming up with another of your fruitless schemes, hm? _ ” Then, when he wouldn’t answer with immediate indignation, the confusion would come. “ _ Uh... hey, Mammon? You in there? _ ”

At that point, he’d fumble an excuse and go hide away in his room, ignoring the baffled looks he could feel being directed at his back. After all, what was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to explain that he was mourning someone who was right in front of him?

This time was different, though.

He was lying on his bed, having just sneaked away from some commotion or other that his brothers had gotten caught up in. Thoughts were swirling round and round in his head, spreading down to his chest and weighing heavily there. Had Yuki been in a lot of pain when they were dying? How scared had they been? ...Fuck.

He remembered when the dust had been settling after the whole incident with Belphie and the other Yuki, when Barbatos had been explaining about his ability to alter reality. “ _ Eh, details. Who cares about all that complicated stuff? _ ” It hadn’t been so much that he hadn’t cared, but rather that he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Something about the conversation, the way Barbatos had spoken so flippantly about the other Yuki, had made him uncomfortable. It hadn’t been until later that night when he’d been trying to sleep that the unbearable thoughts had slammed into him full force, and the thoughts had been following him around ever since.

Based on what Barbatos had said, he’d... what? Erased the other Yuki from existence? It was like they’d never existed? The Yuki who had lain in his arms, their eyes fluttering shut and their breath leaving their body and— And he _didn't_ want to think about it, but he _kept_ thinking about it, _and_ —

“Mammon...”

He hadn’t realized that his fingers had curled so tightly into his hair, or that someone had entered his room, until he felt a gentle hand touching his. “Wha—!” Startled, he flinched and looked up to see the new Yuki standing there, watching him with those concerned eyes. Yuki. It was Yuki. Yuki was  _ right there_. 

“Why...?” he said, his voice cracking as tears began to cloud his vision, blurring Yuki’s face. “Why do I keep feelin’ like I miss you like crazy? It doesn’t make sense, right? I mean, you’re right here, but...”  _It hurts_.

Yuki’s eyes widened for a moment, then they looked stricken.  _Oh no_ , now he’d gone and upset them. Of course, why the hell would the new Yuki wanna hear about how he couldn’t stop thinking about the other Yuki? Stupid. Stupid,  _stupid_ Mammon. And yet, the thoughts still wouldn’t stop.

“ _...Listen. The next time your life’s in danger, I’m gonna be the one to save you, alright? Don’t you forget that. ...And if I can’t manage to save ya, then **make sure you die** , got it?!_ ”

“I’m  _sorry_ ,” he wailed, covering his face with his hands. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was apologizing for. For failing to save Yuki? For upsetting the Yuki in front of him? Both? “I—“

A pair of arms wrapped around him suddenly, tightly, desperately. Like they were trying to swallow up the hole he felt inside of him. “...Sometimes I miss the you I left behind too,” came Yuki’s whisper, their voice thick with tears yet full of warmth. His heart thudded painfully, and he didn’t know what to say, but slowly he wrapped his arms around Yuki in return.

It still hurt, but it felt a little easier to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> me: obey me isn’t meant to be That Deep  
> also me: what if mammon was deeply traumatized by mc dying in his arms actually


End file.
